Young. Female. Entrepreneur.

by Marissa Louie

Darlings, throw your effen hands up. I’m proud of you. Not only are you a Silicon Valley Anomaly, you’re probably really hot too. And under 40.

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Shabooya sha sha shabooya ROLL CALL! Who here is a young female entrepreneur? My fearless darlings, wear your company logo on your chest. Comment on this post and I’m your new girlfriend for life. Or call me/text me at (510) 375-1941 to join the Girl Gang. The Girl Gangster Entrepreneurs.

You know you’re a young female entrepreneur in the Internet biz when:

-TEAM-

-1- You work for The Man The Woman. What could be better?!
-2- You have an office suite in a Milpitas office park, but you primarily spend time in your Nob Hill San Francisco office space with a kitchen, backyard, overhead projector, and wi-fi. No wait, you turn a hip local coffee shop like Sugar Cafe into your third office so you can do Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur Office Hours with other cool people. Because you, honey, are VIRAL by nature.
-3- You’re the CEO but the rest of the team wants to take care of you. You might even be the youngest person on the team, but have no problem managing others who are twice your age. You have experience, balls, or both.
-4- Your venture has a 80-20 ratio of males to females. Out of your 16 core team members, only 3 are female. You make sure the females and males are treated by merit.
-5- Nobody can truly hurt you. But if somebody tries to hurt your team, it’s OVER for them.

PARTIES AND TIME MANAGEMENT-

-1- You sometimes get caught wearing full-on party gear by your Internet biz friends at non-tech events. And you get away with it. Just make sure your reputation is intact and that you have a healthy work-to-party ratio. Transition between being Plain Jane and Janet Jackson effortlessly.
-2- Angels and VCs – real or fake? You can tell a real Gucci purse from a fake, so you should differentiate the genuine investors from the fake. The genuine ones might be able to really help you. But if they really just want to waste your time fantasizing about you over dinner, Filter. Them. Out.

-REPUTATION-

-1- Your Woman Charm gives you home field advantage. Turn it on at the right times, because you are a rare specimen in the Valley. It helps you stand out in a crowd, at a party, at a press conference, during a video interview. It may even differentiate your blog. Advertise yourself and turn that into revenue.
-2- It’s 11pm and you’re at Safeway after the Digg party. You get introduced to a connector VIP like Sanford Barr of Stirr. He asks what you do. He has a puzzled look on his face when you tell him how your company got started, and you just know he’s seen everything in the Valley. Then he says he knows your company’s name. (You think he’s kiddin’ ya.) But then he even knows your last name. Nice!
-3- You are a rogue. A stubborn, fearless, rogue. You often do the stupid thing. It gets you in trouble at work, with family, with friends, and with love interests. If you channel it correctly and you get a little lucky, it can also propel you towards entrepreneurial success.

-LIFE HACKS-

-1- You no longer have to wear corporate raider gear but can wear lifehack gym clothes that pass as business casual all day long.
-2- On the Caltrain from San Francisco to Palo Alto, you ask an engineer from hi5 how old he thinks you are. He sneaks in a look at your website bio via wireless card. He says, “You can’t be older than 38. You’re definitely not 40. Are you 35?” ZOMG what a compliment.
-3- You’ve managed your own life so that you have no kids, no husband, and no responsibilities to run home to, giving you free reign of your time and energy. Ahh. If there is a male in your life, he is helping you take care of the responsibilities. You may want to consider a Massey Prenup if it’s not too late, though.
-4- You know you don’t need an MBA. Don’t waste the precious youth, vivacity, and money you could’ve spent on your startup on a tier-one B-school just to get contacts. If you really want to take the easy way out, work at a country club or SF Tennis Club for $8 an hour, lead gen, and become a trophy wife.

-HAPPINESS-

-1- Strangers, friends, and your family are proud of you. Except if you have rich a$$ relatives, they might not be so supportive (to which you pay no mind – just look at Paris Hilton versus the Hilton Hotel Family). Accept the good vibes, but don’t embrace it too much lest you get lazy. Don’t let it feed your short-term ego too much either. Because you might be future President of the Billionaire Girls Club and can give back to society for OPK (other people’s kids).
-2- You’ve come to love pain. Because you turn negative into positive like no other, and nobody can break you. You are fearless, fun, female, and you rock. The bounce in your step shows it.
-3- You could cast an entire Les Miserables play with your unhappy yuppie friends. A 5 year run, plus. But you, darling, are passionate and happy.
-4- You just do it. These are your dreams? D@mn the consequences. F**k the naysayers. Because you know that for every year that passes, your risk tolerance as well as your je ne sais quoi diminish. REVOLT! REBEL!

Young female entrepreneurs, if any of this rings a bell with you, JOIN THE GIRL GANG by texting me at (510) 375-1941 anytime because I don’t sleep.

Marissa Louie is the Founder and CEO of AD Village (http://ad-village.com) which helps bloggers monetize and advertisers optimize. If you liked this post, you might also like 10+ Funniest Angel and VC Blog Posts and The Future Co-existence of PR and Advertising. She also announces Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur office hours via Twitter.

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