by Marissa Louie

ZOMG Our angel and VC friends have done it again. They’d rather roast our insides than roast the turkey. Turn that portfolio company from turkey to turnkey. Joke’s on us, VC billionaires.

Purchaze

-1- Paul Kedrosky: Somali Pirates and TARP

*PAULSON: TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,’ WILL PAY OFF.”

-2- Brad Feld: Take Responsibility for your Actions

“I tried calling 1-800-BAIL-OUT to see if I was missing something.  They wouldn’t help me…”

-3- Joi Ito: Loic for a Day

“I thought about selling Loic on eBay, but I realized that would be too selfish.”

-4- Jeff Nolan: I am a Bond

“4 basic types of bonds, Schoolhouse Rock style.”

-5- Fred Wilson: Do You Ever Do Any Real Work?

“Slowly but surely people are wising up to the fact that blogging is work and its a very valuable use of my time.”

-6- James D. Robinson IV: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

“VC’s are too arrogant and the pitching process is too inefficient.”

-7- Daniel Cohen: New TeeVee Live!

“”The best part was his reply to a question on how Fred changed his life: “I get attention from the senior girls in school, which is cool”. Excellent.”

-8- Josh Kopelman: Road Trip

“Chris Fralic, organized a two-day road trip to the four largest advertising agencies in country.  We rented a bus.”

-9- Bing Gordon: Looking for Killer Apps

“Look how smart I am (how dumb I am not!); I got this new (insert hardware model here) and it can do this!!!”

-10- Mark Cuban: Proud to be an American

“I can tell you that no entrepreneur or CEO worth a damn in this country gives up or works less because of a change in tax policy.”

**Honorable mention**

-11- David Cowan: It’s a Smule World After All

When Jeff’s team isn’t cleaning out Bessemer’s kitchen, they’re churning out ass-kicking Chuck-on-iPhone (CHiP) apps.

**Your turn**

Suggest funny angel and VC blog posts through Turkey Day (you know these are going to be ridiculous!)

Marissa Louie is the Founder and CEO of AD Village (http://ad-village.com) which helps bloggers monetize and advertisers optimize. If you liked this post, you might also like You Know You’re a Young Female Entrepreneur When…, 10+ Funniest Angel and VC Blog Posts October 2008, and The Future Co-existence of PR and Advertising. She gets esoteric on Twitter, where she announces Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur Office Hours and broadcasts her entrepreneurial journey.

Young. Female. Entrepreneur.

by Marissa Louie

Darlings, throw your effen hands up. I’m proud of you. Not only are you a Silicon Valley Anomaly, you’re probably really hot too. And under 40.

Fotki

Shabooya sha sha shabooya ROLL CALL! Who here is a young female entrepreneur? My fearless darlings, wear your company logo on your chest. Comment on this post and I’m your new girlfriend for life. Or call me/text me at (510) 375-1941 to join the Girl Gang. The Girl Gangster Entrepreneurs.

You know you’re a young female entrepreneur in the Internet biz when:

-TEAM-

-1- You work for The Man The Woman. What could be better?!
-2- You have an office suite in a Milpitas office park, but you primarily spend time in your Nob Hill San Francisco office space with a kitchen, backyard, overhead projector, and wi-fi. No wait, you turn a hip local coffee shop like Sugar Cafe into your third office so you can do Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur Office Hours with other cool people. Because you, honey, are VIRAL by nature.
-3- You’re the CEO but the rest of the team wants to take care of you. You might even be the youngest person on the team, but have no problem managing others who are twice your age. You have experience, balls, or both.
-4- Your venture has a 80-20 ratio of males to females. Out of your 16 core team members, only 3 are female. You make sure the females and males are treated by merit.
-5- Nobody can truly hurt you. But if somebody tries to hurt your team, it’s OVER for them.

PARTIES AND TIME MANAGEMENT-

-1- You sometimes get caught wearing full-on party gear by your Internet biz friends at non-tech events. And you get away with it. Just make sure your reputation is intact and that you have a healthy work-to-party ratio. Transition between being Plain Jane and Janet Jackson effortlessly.
-2- Angels and VCs – real or fake? You can tell a real Gucci purse from a fake, so you should differentiate the genuine investors from the fake. The genuine ones might be able to really help you. But if they really just want to waste your time fantasizing about you over dinner, Filter. Them. Out.

-REPUTATION-

-1- Your Woman Charm gives you home field advantage. Turn it on at the right times, because you are a rare specimen in the Valley. It helps you stand out in a crowd, at a party, at a press conference, during a video interview. It may even differentiate your blog. Advertise yourself and turn that into revenue.
-2- It’s 11pm and you’re at Safeway after the Digg party. You get introduced to a connector VIP like Sanford Barr of Stirr. He asks what you do. He has a puzzled look on his face when you tell him how your company got started, and you just know he’s seen everything in the Valley. Then he says he knows your company’s name. (You think he’s kiddin’ ya.) But then he even knows your last name. Nice!
-3- You are a rogue. A stubborn, fearless, rogue. You often do the stupid thing. It gets you in trouble at work, with family, with friends, and with love interests. If you channel it correctly and you get a little lucky, it can also propel you towards entrepreneurial success.

-LIFE HACKS-

-1- You no longer have to wear corporate raider gear but can wear lifehack gym clothes that pass as business casual all day long.
-2- On the Caltrain from San Francisco to Palo Alto, you ask an engineer from hi5 how old he thinks you are. He sneaks in a look at your website bio via wireless card. He says, “You can’t be older than 38. You’re definitely not 40. Are you 35?” ZOMG what a compliment.
-3- You’ve managed your own life so that you have no kids, no husband, and no responsibilities to run home to, giving you free reign of your time and energy. Ahh. If there is a male in your life, he is helping you take care of the responsibilities. You may want to consider a Massey Prenup if it’s not too late, though.
-4- You know you don’t need an MBA. Don’t waste the precious youth, vivacity, and money you could’ve spent on your startup on a tier-one B-school just to get contacts. If you really want to take the easy way out, work at a country club or SF Tennis Club for $8 an hour, lead gen, and become a trophy wife.

-HAPPINESS-

-1- Strangers, friends, and your family are proud of you. Except if you have rich a$$ relatives, they might not be so supportive (to which you pay no mind – just look at Paris Hilton versus the Hilton Hotel Family). Accept the good vibes, but don’t embrace it too much lest you get lazy. Don’t let it feed your short-term ego too much either. Because you might be future President of the Billionaire Girls Club and can give back to society for OPK (other people’s kids).
-2- You’ve come to love pain. Because you turn negative into positive like no other, and nobody can break you. You are fearless, fun, female, and you rock. The bounce in your step shows it.
-3- You could cast an entire Les Miserables play with your unhappy yuppie friends. A 5 year run, plus. But you, darling, are passionate and happy.
-4- You just do it. These are your dreams? D@mn the consequences. F**k the naysayers. Because you know that for every year that passes, your risk tolerance as well as your je ne sais quoi diminish. REVOLT! REBEL!

Young female entrepreneurs, if any of this rings a bell with you, JOIN THE GIRL GANG by texting me at (510) 375-1941 anytime because I don’t sleep.

Marissa Louie is the Founder and CEO of AD Village (http://ad-village.com) which helps bloggers monetize and advertisers optimize. If you liked this post, you might also like 10+ Funniest Angel and VC Blog Posts and The Future Co-existence of PR and Advertising. She also announces Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur office hours via Twitter.

What is viral marketing?

Friends in social media and social networks have asked me for my perspective at gatherings and recent conferences like BizTechDay and SNAP Summit. I used to work at Slideshare, which I joined partially because I was fascinated that it had spent $0 on marketing yet was ranked around 2100 on Alexa. During my first three months, I played a minor part in contributing to its skyrocketing from 2100 to a rank of up to 800. Talk about viral!

There is nothing more satisfying to me than spreading my love through viral marketing. When it comes to warm fuzzies, the more I receive, the more I give back.

Here, I break down the components of viral marketing. Viral marketing is like an interconnected set of gears, or wheels: if one wheel turns, it causes the other wheels to turn.

view on flickr

Here are the aspects of viral marketing you can start using now:

Content and Relevancy

• Viral hooks: I caught up with Dave Morin, a mastermind behind the really really viral Facebook Platform, at the SNAP Summit on Monday. He mentioned that every social network should have viral hooks that pull from relevant and interesting information.
• Leverage online presence: Tap into the online identity of your users across multiple channels. What are the online behaviors of your target audience? Where do they go to play? Blogs, social networks, social media, advertising playgrounds, news sites, etc.
• Brand memorability: Let your viral marketing campaign make use of your current brand value, and also use the campaign to reinforce and increase your brand value. If brand awareness is the goal of your campaign, do an indirect sales pitch (not a direct sales pitch.)
• Useful, relevant information: Make it so and your users will not only believe you, but love you and spread the love for you. Your product’s information must be distinctive and useful, not just average. Add value, don’t diminish it!
• Content – great, new, consistent: This increases your customer base, and furthermore your readership and subscribership. Cater your content towards attracting, retaining, and encouraging the increase of good clients. Let them rely on you, since you *are* a trusted friend.

Action:

• Call to Action: Trigger actions and behaviors by your audience. Make it easy for them to pass the word along. Then, boom! It can spread like wildfire.
• Call to Passion: Passion breeds virality. Trigger strong reactions. Or evoke the (love factor) with your product, service, or website: make them justifiably enamored. Make your audience want it, crave it, need it NO MATTER WHAT.
  

  Passion is the new voice of reason (I can barely contain my excitement as the CEO of AD Village. I *heart* my fellow Villagers.
  

• Authentic: Have a personal voice that resonates with your target audience.
• Forwardability, Transferability: Make something that others are compelled to forward to others. Once they forward it, don’t let the virality stop there: have follow up calls to action within your viral campaign. Push your medium: email, RSS feeds, pasted links, and sharing within instant message chat clients.

Source | Donate

Planning and Implementation

• Scalability: Make sure you’re ready for the traffic resulting from your viral campaign. Copy + paste the basic foundation of your viral campaign into future campaigns so that users can follow a common theme.
• Improvement: Monitor the metrics of your viral marketing campaign so you can improve its results and so you can compare it to those of future campaigns. Sales, revenue, page views, Comscore and Alexa stats, Google rank, new customers, and way more. Get user reviews. Let’s aim to build a solid company that can grow and scale!
• Take Risks: The shock factor. Awe, humor, passion, differentiation. Take a risk, elicit a response.
• Prioritize Time and ROI: Viral marketing does not always make sense for everyone. Make sure your viral campaigns are used to reach your target market.

Price

• Cheap: With so many avenues to do viral marketing, you don’t have to blow your advertising budget. If done well, cost-effective viral campaigns can accomplish your goals.
• Earn $: For the pros only. Make money off of the viral campaign itself. If you’re aiming to convert sales for your company via viral, do a direct sales pitch, where you’re blatantly pitching your product, service, or website.

Start turning a viral wheel today! Email me if you’d like to get together to spin ideas. We frequently do casual OTF (On The Fly) Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur chats over coffee and lunch in San Francisco, so make sure to follow my tweets on Twitter.

Marissa Louie founded AD Village (http://ad-village.com) to empower bloggers to maximize their ad space monetization and to enable advertisers to improve their audience targeting. She has written 10+ Funniest Angel and VC Blog Posts October 2008, 10 Types of Ad Targeting, Top 10 Tips to Increase Traffic to Your Blog, and dabbles in blog poetry like *I REVOLT* (A Blog Monetization Poem). She is one of the Geekgirl GFs (The Gigis) and gets esoteric on Twitter.