YOU WILL Survive this Economic HELL.

Here are my personal tips on how to save, earn, and hustle your way from 2009 to  Economic HEAVEN.

Let’s hog some sunlight and start the money photosynthesis process, shall we?

–SAVE–

1) Renegotiate your contracts.

Including RENT: It’s prime time to have “the talk” with your landlord. Check @CraigNewmark’s craigslist.org for market rates.

Also renegotiate: your office lease, co-working space, office phone system, equipment leases, Internet, your significant other (haha), etc.

2) Do the DIY

Cut the middle 25% fat from your staff, onshore instead of offshore (hellooo unemployed friends), do your own emails. Hire triple threats like your COO with a J.D. and CFA, your programmers who are certified MySQL DBAs with PR experience, etc.

–EARN–

1) Unemployment Checks are like Welfare Checks

Unemployment checks are not an option. They’re like welfare checks. Be the predator, not the prey: learn transferrable skills in an unglamorous sector, work part-time for a startup, or become CEO.

2) Pull in the CASH

Before you start selling yourself on the street, start earning some money. Preferrably on something you probably already have: website traffic. At the very least, put some cash-generating ads on your website or blog. Call or text me at (510) 375-1941 for the unofficial Ad Revenue Hotline :->

3) Forget the ABCs. Know your PQRS

Profit, Quantifiability, ROI, Sales.

*Profit=Revenue-Costs

After you get your company to breakeven, go for the money shot: PROFIT.

*Quantifiability: Measure and adjust. Measure and adjust.

*ROI: You must require a high return on your time, energy, and mental space. High-impact in business; high-impact friends too.

*Sales: Parrots squawk, but money talks.

Take action and responsibility for turning your company’s bottom line from RED to GREEN.

Whether Analyst or Engineer, be the “Acting Managing Partner” and drive sales. Your company will be crying tears of monetary joy.

–HUSTLE–

1) Never Eat Lunch Alone (NELA). Even your lunch can be viral. Pick up the $5 tab for coffee, lunch, or snack and announce it on Twitter with the hashtag #E2E for Entrepreneur 2 Entrepreneur Tweetup. That’s $5 for potentially $50,000 worth of tactical bliss for your company, or a savings of $12,000 for a job headhunter.

2) 80% (work like a drill sargeant) + 20% (pure happiness) = 100% success

Maniacal work: calendarize your day into 10 or 30 minute segments with defined tasks. Prioritize based on money in/money out. Plow through like a farmer reaping a cash harvest.

Maniacal happiness: Get happy about the stupidest, simplest things. If you attend a party, be at the party. Not glued to your Blokia, CrackBerry, Doogle, or Jesus Phone. Be relentless in cutting out the unhappy people who want you to wallow in their lame misery.

3) Elevator Pitch goes anytime, to anybody who will listen

Friday night: I pitched two VCs from a famous early stage venture firm while partying in their limo and looking like THIS

Monday night: Cashier at Jack in the Box asks me what I do, then I ask if she’s any good selling on the phone:

4) Hustle the Hustler.

(AKA The Swirly.)

Somebody threaten to sue you for a buck fifty? Counter-lawsuits are my favorite. Nothing beats spending two bucks flushing a loser down the toilet. It’s called “the Swirly” at summer camp (or Foo Camp or Startup Camp) and it’s what happens to those who threaten the Queen Bee.

5) Get MONEY, get PAID.

Money, not fluffy social capital, greases the wheels.
Who cares if you have 60,000 followers on Twitter if you’re not making any $.

Follow your nose and whiff the green. Focus on those parts of your business that generate revenue. Collect and get paid.

Get to Economic HEAVEN.

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